The Gospel of Palin

Here’s yet another reason why John McCain lost my vote after Sarah Palin was selected as his running mate. I recently read that in an interview with Fox and Friends she claimed that Jesus celebrated Easter during his time on Earth.

So Jesus celebrated his own death and resurrection? Or perhaps he took part in pagan fertility rites, dancing naked around a fire? There were no “Christian” holidays during the time of Jesus as there were not yet any Christians. He and his disciples were Jews and celebrated Jewish holy days. All of our “Christian” holidays are actually pagan observances that were appropriated by the Church in order to convert the pagans.

The Gospel of Palin

“When Jesus celebrated Easter with his disciples there were no Easter bunnies or egg hunts. There were no Easter sales at department stores or parades in the street. Easter was a special time of prayer and Christian activism.”Jesus would gather all the townspeople around and would listen to their stories about the meaning of Easter in their lives. Then he would teach them how to love one another, how to protest Roman abortion clinics and how to properly convert homosexuals.

“You can’t even do things like that these days without getting called out by some wacko left-wing human rights group. Christians had more freedom under Roman rule than we do now in our own country! We need to return Easter back to the way it was when Jesus was alive.”

“Easter celebrates, you know, sticking it to all the liberal lefties out there who want to be taking our guns and our freedom. It celebrates the rights of the unborn and the right to religious freedom, to not have government come in and tell you who to believe in and who not to …”

A couple of my favorite comments to the article:

• Is it just me, or are most atheists and agnostics more familiar with the Bible than most Christians?
  • It isn’t just you. Several studies have revealed atheists to have a much better understanding of religion, and its history, than believers. Atheists don’t turn away from religion because they lack information.

To quote the Gospel of Palin: “We need to return Easter back to the way it was when Jesus was alive.” Since that would have been a pagan fertility festival, I don’t have a problem with that statement. At the time of Jesus, neither Christianity nor the commemoration of his death and resurrection existed. Neither would exist for many years after the fact.

While the news story is a fake, it is certainly typical of the absurdities espoused by politicians (mostly Republicans). I hear stupidity from the Democrats as well but the Republicans seem to have turned absurdity, stupidity and ignorance into an art form.

Source: Sarah Palin Claims Jesus Celebrated Easter

Liberal lefties? Do conservatives consider left-handed liberals to be more threatening than right-handed liberals? How do they feel about ambidextrous liberals? And just so you conservative Christians know, Jesus was a liberal. His teachings and ideas are still considered liberal.

Coinage of the Realm

I saw a post on Facebook today about a new dollar coin that’s come out. Apparently, people are upset and refusing to accept them because of the absence of the words “In God we trust” on either side of the coin. So fucking what? It’s still legal tender, coinage of the realm, That’s all I care about.

I really don’t care about the presence or absence of references to a particular deity on our money, in the Pledge of Allegiance, or anywhere else. It doesn’t matter. If you really believe in God then you really shouldn’t need to have your faith constantly affirmed by secular objects and rituals. Besides, it’s a dollar coin and it has been a common practice for Americans to reject dollar coins for at least the last 35 years or more which makes it even less of a relevant issue.

The problem isn’t the absence of God on our money or in our schools or anywhere else in the secular world. If you claim to be a believer maybe the problem is the absence of God in your heart. If your God is in your heart then, through your belief and devotion, God is everywhere and in everything. You don’t need secular affirmation of your faith because it’s already within you.

[Edit] The words “In God We Trust” first appeared on our coins in 1864 and on our paper currency in 1957.

Papal Severance Package

It’s interesting that Pope Benedict XVI has announced that he will resign effective the end of February because of his health when most of his predecessors have stuck it out to the bitter end. The last pope to step down was Gregory XII who was forced to abdicate in 1415 to end the Western Schism. At the time there were three popes: Pope Gregory XII, Antipope Benedict XIII at Avignon and Alexander V/John XXIII at Pisa. Apparently, it was a very messy and confusing situation.

After Pope Gregory’s abdication, he spent the rest of his life was spent in peaceful obscurity. (I like the sound of that.) With Pope Benedict XVI’s pending abdication, I have a few questions.

1. What kind of severance package does he get?
2. Will he still have Swiss Guards protecting him?
3. Will he retain papal infallibility?
4. Will he still be able to speak on behalf of God?

Inquiring minds want to known.

Jesus resurrected in Monroe

 

After the “King of Kings” statue (aka Big Butter Jesus aka Touchdown Jesus) was destroyed by a lightning strike (act of God) in June 2010, the Solid Rock Church apparently didn’t get the hint and have erected a new statue. This one is officially known as “Light of the World” but I’ve heard it referred to as “Hug Me Jesus” and “$5 Foot-Long Jesus” (from the Subway ad).

I’m not a big fan of graven images or idolatry but it’s their church. I think that, as a church, the money could have been more wisely spent honoring Jesus in a more appropriate way like healing the sick or helping the poor and needy. You know, something Jesus might have done or approved of.

The statue is to be formally dedicated on September 30th which, incidentally, happens to be International Blasphemy Day. I love the irony.

Related post: Touchdown Jesus Destroyed by an Act of God

Bin Laden

Bin Laden’s alleged death is the main topic in the news and on Facebook at the moment. I don’t understand all the celebration. His death doesn’t solve any of the underlying problems that lead to the 9/11 attack. There will certainly be a successor and, I fear, there will be reprisal attacks. Was Bin Laden’s death or capture our primary national policy objective in Afghanistan? Billions of dollars and thousands of lives spent for the demise of one man? I hope Obama isn’t saying “Mission accomplished.” It’s not over. The real Jihad may be just around the corner, with Bin Laden as their martyr. I don’t see any reason to celebrate.

Touchdown Jesus Destroyed by an Act of God

When I heard about this I felt I had to say something because it’s just too good to pass up. The irony of it alone makes it worthy of comment.

Around 11:15 last night, Monroe’s world famous landmark, the Church of the Rock’s 62-foot tall “King of Kings” statue (AKA Touchdown Jesus AKA Big Butter Jesus) was struck by lightning and burned.

I expected people to see this as a sign from God although I’m not sure everyone got the message.

Church members said the lightning strike and destructive fire stunned them. Many of them thought it was a sign they need to pay attention to.

“I’m thinking it’s a sign from Jesus that we need to learn something, as Christians, as a whole, we’re not doing something right.”

“It scares me, it really does, I think about what that symbolizes, to me that’s a sign and not a good one.”

According to the article on the WHIO web site, the structure’s outer shell was made of wood and Styrofoam, covered in fiberglass and resin, making it extremely flammable. (Essentially a giant Styrofoam-covered lightning rod.) Church officials said the statue “weighed eight tons, which is about 16,000 pounds.” (About 16,000 pounds?) When the statue was put in place in 2004, it cost $500,000 and about 8,000 man-hours in development and installation. [Monroe Fire Chief Mark] Neu said that church officials, “Plan to replace the statue, make sure they have back what they put up, that’s their intent, what they told me tonight.”

There must be better ways to spend half a million dollars and 8,000 man-hours doing God’s work. Perhaps God’s message here was to put that time and money into something that will benefit our fellow man. Feeding the hungry and sheltering the homeless immediately come to mind. You know, something that Jesus might have done with it instead of building a colossal flammable statue in His likeness.

Let’s close with the following…

Amen

Hey Brah, No Stink on Da Bus!

Quote of the day: “All human situations have their inconveniences. We feel those of the present but neither see nor feel those of the future; and hence we often make troublesome changes without amendment, and frequently for the worse.” — Benjamin Franklin

---

I found this on The Huffington post today:

Honolulu Tries To Ban ‘BO’ On Buses

HONOLULU — Stinky city bus riders soon could get soaked. The Honolulu City Council is considering a bill that would impose up to a $500 fine and/or up to six months in jail for public transit passengers convicted of being too smelly.

The bill will be heard Thursday in committee. It would make it illegal to have “odors that unreasonably disturb others or interfere with their use of the transit system.”

It doesn’t matter if it’s body odor or offensive fumes that emanates from clothes, personal belongings or animals.

Councilmen Rod Tam and Nestor Garcia co-sponsored the anti-odor bill.

The American Civil Liberties Union of Hawaii says it is concerned with laws that are inherently vague, which opens the door to discriminatory enforcement based on an officer’s individual prejudices.

I can certainly sympathize with bus riders who find the odors stifling, especially in the summer. I have, on several occasions, had the pleasure of riding ‘Da Bus’ from downtown Honolulu to Wahiawa and it certainly wasn’t a pleasant experience sharing the bus with the unwashed masses.

Still, I’d have to say I agree with the ACLU that the anti-odor bill is vague. What might be a unreasonably disturbing odor to some might not be so objectionable to others. What’s up with a possible six month jail sentence? “Whatcha in for?” “Smellin’ bad.” “WTF?” “But I could get probation if I promise to shower every day.” From my experience, I’d have to say the bill would be virtually unenforceable. Some of those bruddahs are big and sweaty.

No shirt, no pants, no pizza

Song: The Logical Song
Artist: Supertramp
Album: Breakfast In America
Released: 1979

---

Today’s Quote: “Look for the ridiculous in everything and you will find it.” ~ Jules Renard

---

Breaking news from Canada:

No pizza for naked man
Mon Sep 29, 2008
COBOURG – A man wearing only black Adidas running shoes was denied service at a downtown pizza shop, on Friday, Sept. 26, at 9:50 p.m.
The naked man asked staff for a slice of pizza, but he was told to leave the store. Police were called, but were unable to locate the man.
He is described as early-30s, heavy set, between 5’10” and six feet, with short-dark-brown hair and scruffy-facial hair.
The investigation is continuing as he may have been captured by a surveillance camera.

This story raises a lot of questions in my mind.

• Did this particular pizzeria had a “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service” policy?
• Were police unable to find this man because he put his clothes on and no longer looked like a naked man?
• Why is the investigation continuing? Is this naked man (or naked people in general) a menace to society? It’s not like he was robbing the place was he? He probably wasn’t bothering anyone, he was just hungry.
• May have been captured by a surveillance camera? Have they received a ransom note from the camera yet?
• What’s this world coming to when a naked person can’t get a bite to eat?

Jumping off the Cliffs of Insanity

 

Song: Hey, Hey What Can I Do
Artist: Led Zeppelin
Album:
Released: 1970 as the B side of The Immigrant Song
Note: This song wasn’t released on any album but was included in the Led Zeppelin boxed set.
Today’s Quote: “You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.” ~ Miracle Max, The Princess Bride

---

The Republicans are concerned that the government might grow under an Obama administration. And the government hasn’t grown under Bush? Its dictatorial powers certainly have grown and now they offer so many free services that weren’t provided under previous administrations — free phone tapping, free scanning of email, free tracking of financial information, free tracking of Internet activity, free surveillance videos, the list goes on and on.

Ted Strickland is an idiot. The Democrats can’t seem to put aside their personal differences until after the election and get behind the party’s candidate. It’s a strategy that has worked well for the Republicans. I heard that Governor Ted has given the famous “If nominated I will not run, if elected I will not serve” speech. Guess what? The first guy to say that didn’t get nominated. It’s not like everyone has been going after him to be the running mate. Way to go, Ohio!

I heard something on the news (I wasn’t really paying attention) about how much the candidates’ wives influence the voters. I hadn’t realized that. If they do, indeed, have so much influence then I propose that during the national conventions they also nominate a candidate for First Lady for the Presidential ticket. In future elections, they can include the First Lady ticket in the primaries. Or we can just make the obvious choice and vote for the candidate whose wife has the biggest tits. The candidate can garner more electoral votes if she flashes them on the campaign trail.

---

I don’t generally watch the national morning news shows and this morning while sitting around the waiting room at the hospital, I remembered why. It’s because the people on these shows are babbling idiots. These “news” programs are more entertainment than they are news. Just about everything on American television is focused on entertainment instead of information. We Americans would much rather be entertained than informed. If I want world and national news I usually go to BBC America or The Daily Show.

---

I see that Larry the Cable guy is the latest celebrity to jump on the Nutrisystem bandwagon. Git ‘r done. I don’t doubt you can lose weight under their system as long as you only eat the food they provide you. I think that $10 a day is a lot of money to feed one person at home and it really doesn’t look all that appetizing although it could be the lighting. But anyhoo, as soon as you get off their system and go back to real food (and probably your old eating habits), the pounds are going to come back, probably with interest.

Real weigh toss requires a change in your lifestyle. Since it was your lifestyle that made you fat in the first place, you have to change it or you’ll stay fat. It’s that freaking simple. Actually making the change can be difficult but it can be done.

---

Earl and Bubba both bought winning raffle tickets.
Earl won the grand prize: a DVD player.
Bubba took the sixth prize: a toilet brush.
A week later the two met up again, and Bubba asked his friend how he liked his prize.
“Great!” Earl exclaimed, “I’ve been watching movies night and day.”
Then he asked, “Has that toilet brush been a help?”
“Not really,” Bubba admitted. “I reckon I’m gonna go back to usin’ paper.”

Reality is such an ellusive thing

Today’s Quote: “Prosperity and peace are in the balance.” ~ President Bush, urging Republican unity in November.
He’s right. Republicans should unify in November and vote for the Democratic ticket, whoever it is.

---

Song: Brown-Eyed Girl
Artist: Van Morrison
Album: Blowin’ Your Mind
Released: 1967

---

Here’s an article from the February 6, 2008 edition of the Huber Heights Courier. This paper is such a fine representation of journalist excellence. (They need an editor with a reasonable grasp of the English language.) God is blamed for fire is an good example.

Actually, I don’t take issue with the article itself. Arson is a terrible crime and the alleged arsonist may have some serious mental problems. However, it’s the headline in conjunction with the photo caption that caught my attention. It’s just a little bit misleading. The caption states that arson was the cause of the fire and the headline says God is blamed for it. My first thought was “Is God an arsonist? How are they going to execute a warrant on God and bring Him to trial?” I was also thinking that it would be interesting to be on that jury.

Generally, if God or my pets are telling me to do bad things, I stop for a moment and say, “Now hold on a minute. Are you absolutely sure?” If it’s my pets telling me to do evil, then I say, “Bad Kitty! No treats for you.”

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of it.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. This is good!
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
10. Ahhh … I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.
14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
16. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
17. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
18. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
19. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of karma to burn off.
20. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
21. Do I look like a people person?
22. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
23. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
24. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
25. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
26. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
27. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number one?
28. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
29. Chaos, panic and disorder — my work here is done.
30. How do I set a laser printer to stun?