Prayer for Guidance and Protection

You should pray thusly…

We pray for you, the great and powerful leaders of our government and of our churches, to tell us what truths we must believe today and to help us see the light in whatever color you deem it to be this day.

We, the befuddled masses, are blind and so desperately in need of your divinely revealed guidance. We hungrily seek your profound knowledge and wisdom because we do not possess the intelligence to find the truth ourselves though it be in front of our very noses.  You have taught us that science, intellect, and reason cannot be trusted for they shall invariably lead us away from the true path of righteousness that you have set before us and they shall cause us to commit the unforgivable heresies of liberalism, intellectualism, and free-thinking.

Please, Great Leaders, deliver us from those would do us harm and cause us to stray from your path or  would tempt us to commit the mortal sin of questioning your authority. Protect us, and especially our children, from the blasphemers who would seek to destroy the Amerikan way of life — immigrants, homosexuals, nudists, scientists, liberals, intellectuals, free thinkers, atheists, and all others who do not share your great vision.

We pray that we may be cleansed of the sins committed by the founding fathers of our great nation. While their intentions were honorable and good, we see now, through your great example, that their vision was seriously flawed. We humbly thank our infallible leaders for their unceasing efforts to correct those errors so we may have the government that God intended for us.

We pray for the poor, the elderly, the sick, and those less fortunate, that they may go away or die off so as not squander our country’s precious resources. Let those resources be used to benefit those who truly need them — the rich and the powerful.

Enlighten us, Great Leaders, so that we may lie down among the lambs and offer up our children as a sacrifice to whatever God you believe in. For your God is our God and there can be no other.

God bless Amerika.
Amen

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