Proud Sponsor of the NFL

During the course of my television viewing, I see ads from many companies proclaiming they are proud sponsors of the NFL, NASCAR, or some other professional sport. Do professional sports organizations really need sponsors?

For only pennies a day you, too, can sponsor a professional athlete. Your donation will provide him with uniforms and a place to play. When you sponsor a pro athlete, we will send you a picture of your player and regular updates on how he’s doing. You are advised that as a sponsor of a professional athlete, you will be responsible for posting his bail should he run afoul of the law or for his rehab should he abuse steroids or illegal drugs. Thank you for sponsoring a professional athlete.

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Unnecessary Censorship

I’ve never been a fan of Jimmy Kimmel, finding The Man Show to be rather boorish and sophomoric at its best. I haven’t seen his latest show so I can’t say whether or not it’s any better. As the following articles on The Huffington Post blog show, he is apparently not a fan of the FCC and that, in itself, raises him a bit in my esteem. Each week he mocks the FCC by taking innocent clips and adding censorship to make them seem lewd or dirty. It’s amazing how a well-placed bleep or a bit of pixelation can change everything.

Check it out, it’s great stuff.

The Easter Bunny Connection

rabbit210906_228x308.jpgdino-Jesus

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ever since I was a child I’ve wondered what the Easter Bunny and colored eggs had to do with the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ. Well, I’ve finally come up with a theory which may seem blasphemous and heretical but here goes.

When Jesus was placed in the tomb there were no stones large enough to seal the opening but there were several large colored dinosaur eggs (Some Biblical scholars speculate that Jesus may have actually ridden dinosaurs during his ministry.) Joseph of Arimathea had his people roll one of these eggs in front of the tomb to seal it.

Very early on the third day, a large rabbit was sent by the Lord to roll away the giant egg so that Jesus could leave the tomb when he was resurrected. Later, when Mary Magdalene and the other women arrived to anoint the body, they, of course, saw that the egg (stone) had been moved and the tomb was empty.

Naturally, the part about the rabbit and the egg was conveniently omitted from the Gospels. The early Christians were having enough problems convincing people of the virgin birth and the resurrection. Trying to explain the rabbit rolling away the dinosaur egg would have hurt their credibility, so the egg was changed to a stone and they left people to speculate how it got moved.

Community Service


Today’s Quote: “America was founded on a philosophy of individual rights, not group rights.” ~ Clarence Thomas


I ran across this a piece about two 12-year-old whose community service project for their Eagle Scout rating is to raise awareness about breast cancer by giving breast exams. They hope to publicize their project by examining Jessica Alba’s breasts. I’d be more than willing to examine her breasts. They didn’t have this when I was in the Scouts. Where do I sign up?

But seriously, October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and women should learn how do examine their own breasts and have mammograms done regularly. Incidentally, men can get breast cancer. I once had a breast exam done on me when I was in the Air Force hospital in San Antonio, Texas. She, however, politely declined my offer to return the favor.

Relief at Last!

Today’s Quote: “The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren’t any space aliens. We can’t be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we’re not all there is. If so, we’re in big trouble.” ~ Ellen DeGeneres


Song: Pissing in the Wind
Artist: Badly Drawn Boy
Album: The Hour of Bewilderbeast
Released: 2000


The condition I mentioned last month in Through a Pinhole has finally and blissfully been fixed. It wasn’t nearly as gruesome or as painful as I had imagined it might be. It was over quite quickly. Even the cystoscopy wasn’t all that bad although it really felt weird. I’ll spare you the details. Anyway, it’s great to be able to relieve myself normally.


The other day I was messing around with my LJ settings and one of them had something to do with “adult concepts” and hid content from anyone under 14. (I guess that was the intent). The effect was global and applied to all of my entries, making it a pain in the ass to read them so I changed it back. What the hell are adult concepts anyway? I consider Calculus or the Theory of Relativity to be adult concepts. Explicit adult content is sort of self-explanatory. Anyway, I changed it back. If I do happen to have “adult concepts” in any of my LJ entries, then I leave it to the parents of those under 14 to to prevent their children from reading those posts.

420 Hour Work Week?

The Beatles – Eight Days A Week

Today’s Quote: “The MPAA can most accurately be described as rabid, obsessed lunatics.” — Pirate Bay co-founder Gottfrid Svartholm proposes a new acronym for the Motion Picture Association of America: ROL.


Nipple Radiation got mentioned on the Naked Nudism blog Saturday. “Fantastic satire…” Ah, shucks, it weren’t nuthin’. On Sunday, it got mentioned in the Nude Hiking and Soaking in the Pacific Northwest blog. It’s great to be noticed but the best part is that it’s being recognized as satire!


I’ve had to check the date several times today and each time I checked, it was still Tuesday. How many days has it been Tuesday this week? For crying out loud, Monday was four days long! If Monday and Tuesday were any indication, I’d just as soon skip Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Go straight to Saturday. Why is it Saturday and Sunday are never 84 hours long? They always seem more like 12 hours, total.


In the locker room I almost talked myself out of doing my almost daily workout but the IVOR prevailed. But my heart wasn’t in it, so there!


Celebrity Philosophy of Sex

  • I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” — Tom Clancy
  • “You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither.” — Steve Martin
  • “Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” — Woody Allen
  • “Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” — Rodney Dangerfield
  • “There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL.” — Lynn Lavner
  • “Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.” — Matt Barry
  • “Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” — George Burns
  • “Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.” — George Burns
  • “Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.” — Sharon Stone
  • “My girlfriend always laughs during sex — no matter what she’s reading.” — Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)
  • “My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” — Jack Nicholson
  • “Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.” — Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady — and you didn’t think Barbara had a sense of humor)
  • “Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” — Robin Williams
  • “Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.” — Roseanne
  • “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” — Billy Crystal
  • “According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.” — Robert De Niro
  • “There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?” — Dustin Hoffman
  • “There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.” — Jerry Seinfeld
  • “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.” — Rod Stewart
  • “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.” — Robin Williams

Beatles-for-saleEight Days A Week by The Beatles, Beatles For Sale (1964)