Who doesn’t love a happy ending?
- The roundest knight at King Arthur’s Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
- I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
- She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
- A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
- The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
- No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
- A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
- Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here, I’ll go on a head.”
- I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, “Keep off the Grass.”
- A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”
- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
- The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- In a democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.
- When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
- Don’t join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!
There is an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year’s term was “Political Correctness.”
The winner wrote: “Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.”
This same doctrine also alleges that the use of the word “turd” MAY be offensive to some undefined minority, probably the same minority that, in the later 19th century, insisted on calling piano legs “limbs” and advocated using plaster to cover the not-to-be-observed portions of classical sculpture.
Perhaps, in order to avoid the remote possibility of being offensive to any potential offendee, we should substitute “firmly cohesive excremental matter” for turd.
I like it!
I saw this on xkcd.com recently. Pretty funny.
Connecting on a personal level in the 21st Century