This is a topic I’ve written on before in my journals and my blogs but it has recently entered my mind and prompted some thoughts about it. My thoughts here may or may not agree with what I’ve said or written previously.
In our lives secrets are inevitable as is the suffering they may cause. The secrets we carry invariably have the potential to harm the keeper of the secret as well as those from whom the secrets are kept. Our secrets are an emotional burden we carry and we have to continually evaluate them to balance our desire for truthfulness and honesty with the avoidance of what harm the revelation of the secrets may cause. How we carry out this evaluation is very subjective and can be quite prone to errors in judgement. Making the wrong decision about whether or not to reveal it can have unintended and disastrous consequences.
In my estimation, it seems that truthfulness, honesty, and transparency in our dealings with others is the preferred approach. However, this may not always be possible depending on circumstances. We sometimes have to decide between being truthful and not causing harm. When we are dealing with other human beings it can be difficult to gauge their emotional state or their reactions.
I openly admit that I carry the burden of my secrets, many dating back to a time when I lived in a culture of secrecy that too often extended from my professional life into my personal life. Other secrets are more recent but still under the influence of that culture.
Yes, those secrets are a tremendous burden and the memories surface with greater regularity than I’d like. When the memories arise, I evaluate them and usually bury them again. They are in the past, I’ve learned from them and I don’t see much potential good in bringing them into the light. They’re my burden and there is no point in making them someone else’s burden.
I try to treat my life as an open book but there are chapters that have either been torn out or the pages have become stuck together. If asked about these pages, my response will likely be that the subject is not open to discussion. It’s my karma and I’ll deal with the consequences.