Song: Honky Tonk Women
Artist: The Rolling Stones
Album: Through The Past Darkly
Today’s Quote: “For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.” ~ Henry Louis Mencken
25 Signs You Might Be A Member Of A Redneck Church
- The Call to Worship is, “Y’all come on in!”
- The Bible’s used mostly to create loud noises.
- The collection plates are hub caps from a ’56 Chevy.
- The pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering.” Then five guys and two women stand up.
- The baptismal fountain is a #2 galvanized washtub.
- Baptism is referred to as “branding.”
- Saltines and Boone Farm wine are used for communion.
- The choir is known as the “OK Chorale.”
- The choir robes were donated and embroidered with the logo from “Billy Bob’s Barbecue.”
- High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.
- People think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
- The pastor’s colorful shoes have a visible “8 1/2” on the back.
- You hear long prayers complaining about the weather and beer prices.
- Holiday church decorations include Santa and the Easter Bunny.
- Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
- Congregation grumbles about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
- Finding and returning lost sheep isn’t just a parable.
- In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
- People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em.