10 More Days

Today’s Quote: “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” ~ Aristotle

Song: My Head’s In Mississippi
Artist: ZZ Top
Album: Recycler
Released: 1990

As another lonely, depressing weekend fades into oblivion, I can’t help but wonder what Monday and a new work week will bring. To be perfectly honest, I don’t want to know. Maybe something good will happen to me. Now that the voices are in the midst of a fit of laughter and can’t say anything to me, I’ve got a perfect opportunity to get a word in edgewise but I’ve got nothing to say. Don’t that just piss you off?

I’ve come to the conclusion that of all the problems I face these days, the most critical is money. The sages say that the love of money is the root of all evil and that money can’t buy happiness. Well, guess what? I don’t love money but I do like having it. I agree that it can’t buy happiness but it can pay off a lot of misery and help pave the road to happiness. Hell, I’ll settle for being able to rent a little happiness or take a little vacation from my misery.

All I want is a simple but comfortable life. But why is a simple life such a difficult and complicated goal to achieve? I’ve reached the point in my life when I think I deserve a little comfort and a few less complications. But apparently, that isn’t my destiny. My destiny seems to be one of constant frustration while teetering on the edge of poverty. To paraphrase Yoda, “Depressing the future is.”

Sounds like fun. After Mr. and Mrs. Romig retired, Mrs. Romig insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Romig was like most men–he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Romig was like most women, and loved to browse. One day Mrs. Romig received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Romig,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Romig are listed below and are documented by our video surveillancecameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they weren’t looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, “Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.”
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M’s on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he’d invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ” Mission Impossible” theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his “Madonna look” by using different sizes of funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled “PICK ME! PICK ME!”
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed “OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN !”
And last, but not least
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!”



Author: Rick

I'm a simple man, trying to make my way in the universe.