Today’s Quote: “They’ve been an ongoing joke for, like, 12 years. It started because I was from Germany, and people always make fun of ze Germans, yah? So when I began modeling, I used to say, ‘These are German breasts, one is called Hans and one is called Franz.’ “ — Heidi Klum
Ve are Here to Pump You Up
Heidi Klum has named her breasts Hans and Franz in honor of her German heritage. Wunderbar! (Should I rename my member to honor my German heritage? How about Wilhelm? Better yet, Kaiser Wilhelm.)
The lawn is mowed but the shame lives on
Yesterday while I was at work, slaving away to earn the money I pay to the city in taxes, the Huber Heights Grass Gestapo decided my weeds were a bit too high and planted the yellow sign of shame in my front yard. Whatever happened to the good old days when they’d knock on your door, or leave you a little note if you weren’t home, and bludgeon you with a rubber hose if you were.
Geez, The grass wasn’t all that high and I was going to mow this weekend, honest! It’s almost as bad as living in military housing where they have government paid grass inspectors with rulers. That’s the truth.
What happens with the second offense? Do they put me in a pillory over by the BMV and hang the sign around my neck? Maybe they’ll force me to get a special license plate so everyone will know I’m a lawn care derelict. So this is how the city, with its highest allowable tax rate in the county, spends my hard-earned tax dollars. How do I get a job in the Department of Grass and Weeds?
Pennsylvania is one step closer to legalizing breastfeeding as the state Senate just passed a breastfeeding bill by a vote of 48 to 1. Under the bill, a mother would be permitted to breast-feed her child in any location, public or private, whether or not her breast is concealed. Local governments would be unable to prohibit breast-feeding in public, and the act of breast-feeding could not be considered indecent exposure. (Just how anyone could consider it indecent to use a breast for its intended purpose is beyond all logic.) Pennsylvania is one of 14 states that do not specifically allow women to breast-feed in public or private places. Let’s hope the full House shows the same wisdom.
Song: Puff the Magic Dragon
Artist: Peter, Paul and Mary
Despite what you may have heard, the song is about losing the innocence of childhood, and has nothing to do with drugs. Frankly, I never thought it was anything other than a song about childhood.