Today’s Quote: “Bathing led to nudity. Nudity led to promiscuity. So believed the colonial lawmakers of Pennsylvania and Virginia. Philadelphia was especially strict in those early years. You could be jailed there for bathing more than once a month.”
Today I mowed my lawn before the Grass Gestapo came by in the night and placed a big yellow sign of shame in my front yard. It used to be they’d just break down your door, issue you a citation, and beat you with a rubber hose for noncompliance. But now they’ve resorted to even more horrifying methods, namely public humiliation. That seems to be the trend these days to encourage compliance — Obey or be marked. We’ll put signs in your yard, make you put special tags on your car, and force your to register yourself as a menace to society. I’m looking forward to the installation of stocks and pillories in the town square so I can pelt these miscreants with rotting fruit and bravely hurl obscenities and curses in their direction. Oh, I can’t wait until they bring back public floggings and hangings. That will be quality weekend entertainment. Bring the children so they can learn the consequences of disobedience. Oh, to return to the simpler times of our Puritan ancestors.