Today’s Quote: “Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.” — Jerry Seinfeld
What’s the world coming to? Another fantasy has been destroyed! I saw one of those Jenny Craig commercials with the still fat Kirstie Alley. She’s not the shattered fantasy although she was pretty hot as a Vulcan in the first Star Trek movie. (I have a thing for chicks with pointed ears.) But anyway, who should waddle into the scene but a very fat Valerie Bertinelli. I’ve had fantasies about her since she was on One Day at a Time. But now, those fantasies are forever shattered. What do I have left?
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband’s libido.
“What about trying Viagra?” asks the doctor.
“Not a chance,” she said. “He won’t even take an aspirin!”
“Not a problem,” replied the doc. “Give him an Irish Coffee Viagra. Drop it into his coffee. He won’t even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went.”
It wasn’t a week later that she called the doctor, who inquired as to progress.
The poor dear exclaimed, “Oh, faith, bejaysus and begorrah! T’was horrid. Just terrible, doctor!”
“Really? What happened?” asked the doctor.
“Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped himself straight up, with a twinkle in his eye and with his pants a-bulging fiercely! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!”
Why so terrible?” asked the doctor. “Do you mean the sex your husband provided wasn’t good?”
“Oh, no, no, no, Doctor, the sex was fine indeed! Twas the best sex I’ve had in 25 years!
But sure as I’m sittin’ here, I’ll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!