Jimmy Buffett – Why Don’t We Get Drunk
Today’s Quote: “Because God created it the human body can remain nude and uncovered and preserve its splendour and its beauty.” — Pope John Paul II
I’d like to take a moment to wish a Happy 301st Birthday to one of my favorite and most interesting founding fathers, Benjamin Franklin. How does it feel to be 301 years old? Hm, I’d sure like to have a few of his portraits in my wallet. By the way, he was a practicing 18th century nudist who took daily “air baths” by sitting in the buff in front of an open window. Hard to believe he had a Puritan upbringing, isn’t it? See, it is possible to throw off the yoke of repression.
On Jan. 17, 1893, Hawaii’s monarchy was overthrown as a group of businessmen and sugar planters forced Queen Liliuokalani to abdicate.
And things went downhill from there. Yet they still call it Paradise even though there isn’t a single nude or clothing optional beach on Oahu. Butt-floss on Waikiki isn’t remotely similar.
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripe sheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas’ pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.
By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one saved for last……
P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget
Why Don’t We Get Drunk by Jimmy Buffett, A White Sport Coat and a Pink Crustacean (1973)
I can certainly appreciate the sentiments expressed by this song.