Three Dog Night – Mama Told Me Not To Come
Today’s Quote: “People love it. It’s a stress-free environment. When you shed your clothes, you shed your stress.” — Carolyn Hawkins of the American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR)
Would work have been less stressful yesterday had I been nude? Maybe I should check out Monster.com and look for a clothing optional IT job.
Oh, wait. This book is about conducting a job search online while wearing just your underwear. That’s not exactly what I had in mind. I was thinking of something where, while on the job, underwear would be overdressed. Of course, such a job would make the kids’ career day at school rather interesting. And if you’re doing a job search online, why even bother with underwear? Unless your webcam is on, but then again…
For a while yesterday I was wondering if I should have added “Seek professional help” to my list of resolutions. I finally decided I had already made enough for this year. Maybe mental health will make next year’s list.
Product Warnings, Dumb and Funny Warning Labels On Products:
- Liquid Plummer
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.
Do not spray in eyes.
- Bowl Fresh
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.
- Toilet Plunger
Caution: Do not use near power lines.
- Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
- Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter
Safe to use around pets.
- Endust Duster
This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.
- Baby Oil
Keep out of reach of children
- Little Ones Baby Lotion
Keep away from children
- Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Directions: Tear open packet and use.
- Dial Soap
Directions: Use like regular soap.
- Stridex Foaming Face Wash
May contain foam.
- Beach Ball
CAUTION: It is not a life saving device.
Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.
- Bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
- Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
- Hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
- Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
- Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant
Use only on underarms.
- Zantac 75
Do not take if allergic to zantac.
- Sleeping Pills
Warning: May cause Drowsiness
- Christmas Lights
Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only
- Bic Lighter
Ignite lighter away from face.
- Komatsu Floodlight
This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark
These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe
Warning: Do not attempt to swallow
Caution: Contents may catch fire.
- Pepper Spray
Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.
- Auto-Shade Windshield Visor
Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.
WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.
- Rain Gauge
Suitable for outdoor use.
- RCA Television Remote Control
Not Dishwasher Safe
- Pine Mountain Fire Logs
Caution: Risk of fire
- Triops Fish Food
Warning: Not for human consumption
- Home Depot Treated Lumber
Do not consume
- Hair Dryer
Warning: Do not use while sleeping.
- Road Sign
Caution water on road during rain.
This camera will only work when film is inside.
- Road Sign
Cemetery Road. Dead End
- Church Parking Lot Sign
Thou shalt not park
- Children’s Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
- Silk Soy Milk
Shake well and buy often
- Air Conditioner
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
- Rowenta Iron
Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.
- Slush Puppy Cup
This ice may be cold
- American Airlines Peanuts
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
- Nabisco Easy Cheese
For best results, remove cap.
- Swanson TV Dinners
This product must be cooked before eating.
- Hershey’s Almond Bar
Warning: May contain traces of nuts
- Heinz Ketchup
Instructions: Put on food
Mama Told Me Not to Come by Three Dog Night, It Ain’t Easy (1970)
Written by Randy Newman. I had not known this song was the first number one hit on Casey Kasem’s American Top 40 radio show. It’s a fun song and Randy Newman wrote a lot of fun songs before he started writing movie scores. I read in an interview in Rolling Stone that he was a Rocky & Bullwinkle fan, which makes him all right in my book.