For Your Own Safety

Three Dog Night – Mama Told Me Not To Come

Today’s Quote: “People love it. It’s a stress-free environment. When you shed your clothes, you shed your stress.” — Carolyn Hawkins of the American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR)


Would work have been less stressful yesterday had I been nude? Maybe I should check out Monster.com and look for a clothing optional IT job.

dreamjob

Oh, wait. This book is about conducting a job search online while wearing just your underwear. That’s not exactly what I had in mind. I was thinking of something where, while on the job, underwear would be overdressed. Of course, such a job would make the kids’ career day at school rather interesting. And if you’re doing a job search online, why even bother with underwear? Unless your webcam is on, but then again…


For a while yesterday I was wondering if I should have added “Seek professional help” to my list of resolutions. I finally decided I had already made enough for this year. Maybe mental health will make next year’s list.


Product Warnings, Dumb and Funny Warning Labels On Products:

  • Liquid Plummer
    Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.
  • Windex
    Do not spray in eyes.
  • Bowl Fresh
    Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.
  • Toilet Plunger
    Caution: Do not use near power lines.
  • Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
    This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
  • Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter
    Safe to use around pets.
  • Endust Duster
    This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.
  • Baby Oil
    Keep out of reach of children
  • Little Ones Baby Lotion
    Keep away from children
  • Hair Coloring
    Do not use as an ice cream topping.
  • Wet-Nap
    Directions: Tear open packet and use.
  • Dial Soap
    Directions: Use like regular soap.
  • Stridex Foaming Face Wash
    May contain foam.
  • Beach Ball
    CAUTION: It is not a life saving device.
  • Chainsaw
    Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.
  • Bag of Fritos:
    You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
  • Swann frozen dinners:
    Serving suggestion: Defrost.
  • Hotel provided shower cap in a box:
    Fits one head.
  • Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
    Do not turn upside down.
  • Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant
    Use only on underarms.
  • Zantac 75
    Do not take if allergic to zantac.
  • Sleeping Pills
    Warning: May cause Drowsiness
  • Christmas Lights
    Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only
  • Bic Lighter
    Ignite lighter away from face.
  • Komatsu Floodlight
    This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark
  • Earplugs
    These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe
  • Mattress
    Warning: Do not attempt to swallow
  • Matches
    Caution: Contents may catch fire.
  • Pepper Spray
    Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.
  • Auto-Shade Windshield Visor
    Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.
  • Fix-a-Flat
    WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.
  • Rain Gauge
    Suitable for outdoor use.
  • RCA Television Remote Control
    Not Dishwasher Safe
  • Pine Mountain Fire Logs
    Caution: Risk of fire
  • Triops Fish Food
    Warning: Not for human consumption
  • Home Depot Treated Lumber
    Do not consume
  • Hair Dryer
    Warning: Do not use while sleeping.
  • Road Sign
    Caution water on road during rain.
  • Camera
    This camera will only work when film is inside.
  • Road Sign
    Cemetery Road. Dead End
  • Church Parking Lot Sign
    Thou shalt not park
  • Children’s Superman Costume
    Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
  • Silk Soy Milk
    Shake well and buy often
  • Air Conditioner
    Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.
  • Rowenta Iron
    Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.
  • Slush Puppy Cup
    This ice may be cold
  • American Airlines Peanuts
    Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
  • Nabisco Easy Cheese
    For best results, remove cap.
  • Swanson TV Dinners
    This product must be cooked before eating.
  • Hershey’s Almond Bar
    Warning: May contain traces of nuts
  • Heinz Ketchup
    Instructions: Put on food

Mama Told Me Not to Come by Three Dog Night, It Ain’t Easy (1970)
Written by Randy Newman. I had not known this song was the first number one hit on Casey Kasem’s American Top 40 radio show. It’s a fun song and Randy Newman wrote a lot of fun songs before he started writing movie scores. I read in an interview in Rolling Stone that he was a Rocky & Bullwinkle fan, which makes him all right in my book.

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Author: Rick

I'm a simple man, trying to make my way in the universe.