Twas the night before Christmas and I haven’t a clue

The Allman Brothers Band – Whipping Post

Today’s Quote: “Sundance (the film festival) is weird. The movies are weird – you actually have to think about them when you watch them.” — Britney Spears
You can’t help but loath love her! In addition to having a brilliant mind, her vulva is on display all over the Internet!
Bonus Quote: “I’m not offended by all the dumb blond jokes because I know I’m not dumb and I also know that I’m not blond.” — Dolly Parton

It seems like the top 4 Christmas gifts to give are all beyond my budget – diamonds, a new Lexus, a new Mercedes, a wide-screen HD TV. I suppose I may be able to afford Harley-Davidson apparel but I just don’t know. While the idea of my wife in a pair of leather chaps has a certain appeal, I don’t think she’d care for them.

I’m back to being clueless. Right now my choices are Target and WalMart as I have $25 gift cards for each store. The very idea of going anywhere near either store today scares the crap out of me. As a last resort, I could confess my cluelessness, give her both gift cards, and grovel at her feet, begging for forgiveness.

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?
Both offer very little support!

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
“Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.”
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, “Sure . I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.”
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what in the world is this?”
The bank manager looks back at her and says…
“It’s a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.

TheAllmanBrothersBandWhipping Post by The Allman Brothers Band, The Allman Brothers Band (1969)
I love the 22-minute live version of this song on At the Fillmore East. I have a video by Frank Zappa where he does a really good live version of it.


Author: Rick

I'm a simple man, trying to make my way in the universe.