Incomplete Utter Nonsense

The Divinyls – I Touch Myself

Today’s Quote: “In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.” — Napoleon Bonaparte
(See yesterday’s quote.) Apparently, Napoleon was absolutely right; absurdity actually seems to be an asset in the political arena. Hmm, political arena, maybe that’s why the government seems like a three-ring circus.

I have discovered (or should I say, rediscovered) that Del Monte fruit cups cannot be opened without the spilling of juice. They fill the cups to the brim and then vacuum seal them. I suspect the contents are under pressure so that as soon as you begin to peel back the cover, it explodes and makes a sticky, syrupy mess all over the table, desk, counter, or whatever it happens to be on. From now on I’ll transfer the contents to a sealable bowl before work. Better to splash syrup all over the kitchen counter than my desk. The people who came up with the packaging must not actually use the product or they have interns to open the fruit cups for them.

We all know Trix are for kids and the silly rabbit never gets the Trix. But why doesn’t he get any Trix? Is it because he’s a rabbit or because he’s not a kid? You never see any adult supervision in the commercials so I can’t be certain whether or not adults would get any Trix either. I think Trix has an entirely different connotation for adults.

Someone thought it would be a good idea to bring the proxy server down during lunch. As of five o’clock they still hadn’t revived it. What made them think bringing it down at lunch time wouldn’t be an inconvenience? At least I still had e-mail.

You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.

  • Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, yet you can see right through them.
  • Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It’s an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
  • A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it’s often over-inflated.
  • A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there’s the hot air part.
  • Sponges are Female, because they’re soft, squeezable and retain water.
  • A Web Page is Female, because it’s always getting hit on.
  • A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
  • An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
  • A Hammer is Male, because it hasn’t changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it’s handy to have around.
  • A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it’d be male , didn’t you? But consider this – it gives a man pleasure, he’d be lost without it, and while he doesn’t always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

Author: Rick

I'm a simple man, trying to make my way in the universe.