“Weird Al” Yankovic – Don’t Download This Song
Today’s Quote: “I believe Men and Fish can coexist together peacefully.” — George W. Bush
(For once, I agree with Dubya. The fish leave me alone and I leave them alone. This arrangement works out well for both me and the fish.)
I believe… It’s not much of a belief system yet but you gotta start somewhere. Maybe I can build it into a religion eventually.
I’m finally listening to the new Weird Al CD. Sorry it took me so long but I had to get into the right frame of mind with the right light and temperature and the appropriate state of nudity. It was worth the wait. I feel so much better now.
The following 15 police comments were taken from actual police car videos around the country…
#15. “Relax; the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch out after you wear them awhile.”
#14. “Take your hands off the car, and I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
#13. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
#12. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? In case you didn’t know, that¹s the average speed of a 9 mm bullet fired from my gun.”
#11. “So you don’t know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?”
#10. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?”
#9. “Warning? You want a warning? O.K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
#8. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Is Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
#7. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey poop.”
#6. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
#5. “No, sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”
#4. “Just how big were those two beers?”
#3. “In God we trust, all others we run through CPIC/NCIC.”
#2. “I’m glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail.”
And … THE BEST ONE!
#1 “You didn’t think we gave pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t – Sign here.”