The Grass Is Always Greener (And Taller)

The only thing other than the normal everyday stupidity that’s been pissing me off is my lawnmower, which won’t start. I don’t know why it won’t start, haven’t a clue. You’d think that a single-cylinder 4-stroke engine with a simple carburetor and one spark plug would be kind of a no brainer. How much can there be that can go wrong? Apparently, I’ve missed something.

Hell, basic lawnmower technology really hasn’t progressed much in the last 50 years. It’s essentially the same setup that existed when I mowed lawns as a kid although I seem to remember that mowers lasted longer and were a hell of a lot more reliable back then. I’ve been through about seven lawnmowers in the last 13 years. It’s getting ridiculous. I can’t afford to buy a mower this year; I just bought one last year.

In the meantime, my grass keeps growing. I’m expecting the grass gestapo to nail a nasty note to my door any day now, telling me to get my lawn in shape or else. That note will identify me to one and all that I am a member of the subversive element bent on lowering property values and bringing shame and disgrace upon the entire neighborhood.


Vee haf laws in diese Stadt about how long you can grow your grass.

Und you vill obey them. Vee haf vays to make you mow.

You are hear-by notified that one blade of grass in your lawn has exceeded the authorized length of eight inches. You must mow your lawn immediately. If you do not submit to our tyranny, we will be forced to mow it for you, charging you an exorbant fee in addition to a substantional fine.


Author: Rick

I'm a simple man, trying to make my way in the universe.